I have a huge urge right now to write this blog, because of some truth that occurred to me last night after having a meeting with a talent agent here in L.A. It just made me realize some things and I can guarantee you that "realizing" can often be painful, but sometimes facing the truth, or as I'd like to call it "awakening" or becoming "aware" can hurt, because frankly it destroys all your illusions you used to believe in and think of as "reality". We all have those "revelations" - those moments of "oh my god", when we finally allow ourselves to really look into the eyes of our "Inner Truth" and stop hiding behind our own lies, which we build up to protect us, but in the end it simply becomes even harder to get over it, because we're so deep in it - in real deep shit aka "the wonderful world of lies and illusions".
Just quickly, I am not trying to be negative here or a heart-breaker, but I am simply talking about something that is important for every human out there, doesn't matter what industry you're in, or what beliefs you have, it's about REALLY FACING YOUR INNER TRUTH. AWAKENING. AWARENESS.
Let me be more specific here: Many of you might know, that acting has always been my biggest passion, since I am a little girl. And when I say "acting" and "passion", I mean the ART of acting; becoming different characters, stepping into the shoes of other people in complete different circumstances, connecting with your partners on a level that is often hard to reach in real life, making something written on paper come to life and moving the viewer/the audience to laughter or tears. THAT is what I call the art of acting. I feel complete and pure joy when I can act on a film set or on stage - and this is what I call my "passion". The feeling I get when I'm in the process of creating this art, it's pure love.
So. Last night, I had this agent meeting I mentioned earlier, and well, I went there with lots of carelessness. I don't know where it came from, but I just simply had no worries, no anxiety and no worst and best case scenarios in my head. I thought about what could happen, but there was still lots of "I don't care" behind it. I couldn't figure out why I felt this way. It was weird to me, since I've been trying to replace my agent with a new one for a long time now, but I wasn't hustling or chasing after people, because I am just not that kind of person, but I simply kept my eyes open, until a friend of mine referred me to this agent. - By the way, god bless this friend and his agent (not mentioning any names), I am not bashing them in any way at all, I am simply talking about my internal experience I had last night - regardless of their opinions.
Ok, so, like I said I LOVE THE ART OF ACTING. But, I hate the way this industry runs. Absolutely despise it. I am completely and 100% honest right now and I do not care of who disagrees with me or who is on my side. That is not the point here. Hollywood has a really cruel industry. Some people say it's the worst industry one can be in, others say it is a dream, it's paradise, it is a wonderful business to be a part of. ANYWAY. People always had and always will have complete different opinions and that's what it is.
Let me get more specific; all this agent got down to asking me was; WHO DO I KNOW in this industry (Casting Directors and so on) and WHO KNOWS ME. And that is the truth. That is all that he was about. He wasn't asking me about acting training, or other experiences. Only which Casting Directors I have met and which Workshops I have taken with which Industry people. Of course this is all about either booking commercials - may I specify that most of these commercials have no meaning, no message, not much brain a lot of times and no heart behind it, only $ dollar signs $. Or they're about TV Shows - and if you're into TV shows that's great but since this is my Blog, let me tell you: I am all about Indie Feature Films (f-ing love them!), because to me those are the ones that take their time to create something with true passion and ambition, unlike TV Shows - don't get me wrong, I know there is great ones out there - but they are all a "Sausage Factory" (quoting my teacher here from my London Film school) - they are all about making money, as much as they can, as fast as they can. And that is the truth and that's what made me sad. Sad, because I chose this industry, without really honestly admitting to myself how terrible this whole money business is - they're sacrificing the art. I never had an interest in commercials. Not even really TV shows. Never got into watching most of them either. Maybe one or two and only because my best friends persuaded me to watch them. Sorry Not Sorry.
My biggest passion lies in TRUE STORIES WITH A MESSAGE. (f.ex. "Desert Flower" by Sherry Hormann). A dramatic film, based on reality, that makes you, the audience, move and that get your emotions going and really wants you to change something, maybe change yourself, or to make the world a better place, whatever you want to call it, it makes you feel something deep in your heart.
From another angle, I can say that I am very confident about my acting, I know I always give my best, I am always uber-prepared, on top of my game, always up for rehearsals and giving my All to The Art. But I am honest, I do not know too many Casting Directors, but it is simply because I am not a hustler, I prefer to live after WILL SMITH's quote: "Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people, the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you and stay." BEAUTIFUL. That's what I'm talking about!
Last but no least, I just like to summarize this load of words I just threw at you: Please don't let yourself get pushed down by people making you think that your passion isn't really that important after all. Hollywood is a lot about Who You Know, I get it, it sucks. But that doesn't mean that's all you gotta focus on. Let's end with some quotes to FOLLOW YOUR PASSION: Do what you love, Do it as often as you want to, Don't give up and always follow your heart! - You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say. - Paulo Coelho.
That's all for now.
Hope you got inspired a little bit, even tho it seemed dark in the beginning. :)